Alpha-Omega

I've been spending a lot of time at EsotericForum.com and haven't visited this site for a while.  I've been on my livejournal a bit lately too. 

Spring is here, things are fresh and I'm feeling good these days.  I should come back here a little more often, it's just that there are so many places on the web these days and I've been busy so and now that spring is here, I'm spending a lot of time outside and going out and about.

So I haven't liked Dick for the past couple of weeks.  He's too much!  He has no respect for other people, he can only see things from his own perspective, and self interests.  His yelling, talking down to, swearing at, pointing at, pouring beverages on, scheming, has got to go.  I really wouldn't like to have him in my circle of influence.

He's simply just too much, and Danielle.  She's not my favourite at all.  She's exactly what Jen says she is, a cheat.  Sure, Jen may dislike Danielle because of her lovely attraction to Nick, blahh. But that doesn't make any difference in respect to Danielle willing to go after Nick while her boyfriend of 2.5 years sits at home watching.  How nasty and selfish is that.  It's just about as inconsiderate as one can get, keeping her boyfriend at wits end worrying about how loyal his girlfriend (fiance!) is to him.  Now that's just nasty, and I don't buy for a second that "Nick is just about the best friend I've had" blah blah blah.  Yah right, you wanted him.  Oh yah, and how about Nick trying to look more masculine / butch by growing a moustache just about right after he said he had a list of top 5 hot celebrity guys he'd get it on with then going so far as giving himself a mohawk to shed his more feminine hairdo of flipping his bangs and running his fingers through his hair hahaha... oh well, all that attention to his mohawk with perfect hair cutting skills, hair care products and eloquently painted fingernails of primary red doesn't change the fact. LOL.

And just exactly who sent that airplane overhead... It couldn't have been Nick, because he had only left moments before the HoH competition.  Well, it must have been some viewers who had connections.  Doesn't matter to me.

I was hoping Jen or Kail would win... sure I really disliked them a few episodes back, but that's way too far back to care about now.  Their actions then, I could care less about, because I can hardly remember what the big deal was weeks ago.  Right now, it's Dick and Danielle I want separated, and who better to do that than either Jen or Kail. 

The thing is, everyone is just playing in the background really except Dick, Danielle, Jen and Kail and now a bit more going on with Eric and Amber.  Who's left?  Jamika and Zak?  That's it, hmmm.   I feel like I'm forgetting someone.  Oh yah, Dustin and Jessica. Yah, they're pretty much just hanging out in the background this time around, well, from the perspective of the editors 1 hour show anyway.

I suppose Kail is the pawn this week and Eric is going to be back doored... That's the plan as far as I can see. Well, that may be good in a way, keeping Jen and Kail around again to fight to get Dick out!  That would be great. Then Danielle won't be such a pain without her psychotic father around.  I still think Kail shouldn't have given up the HoH to Danielle.  Kail needs to be on top again for at least long enough to get Dick out of there.

At this point I don't know who I want to win.

So I haven't like Dick for the past couple of weeks.  He's too much!  He has no respect for other people, he can only see things from his own perspective, and self interests.  His yelling, talking down to, swearing at, pointing at, pouring beverages on, scheming, has got to go.  I really wouldn't like to have him in my circle of influence.

He's simply just too much, and Danielle.  She's not my favourite at all.  She's exactly what Jen says she is, a cheat.  Sure, Jen may dislike Danielle because of her lovely attraction to Nick, blahh. But that doesn't make any difference in respect to Danielle willing to go after Nick while her boyfriend of 2.5 years sits at home watching.  How nasty and selfish is that.  It's just about as inconsiderate as one can get, keeping her boyfriend at wits end worrying about how loyal his girlfriend (fiance!) is to him.  Now that's just nasty, and I don't buy for a second that "Nick is just about the best friend I've had" blah blah blah.  Yah right, you wanted him.  Oh yah, and how about Nick trying to look more masculine / butch by growing a moustache just about right after he said he had a list of top 5 hot celebrity guys he'd get it on with then going so far as giving himself a mohawk to shed his more feminine hairdo of flipping his bangs and running his fingers through his hair hahaha... oh well, all that attention to his mohawk with perfect hair cutting skills, hair care products and eloquently painted fingernails of primary red. LOL.

And just exactly who sent that airplane overhead... It couldn't have been Nick, because he had only left moments before the HoH competition.  Well, it must have been some viewers who had connections.  Doesn't matter to me.

I was hoping Jen or Kail would win... sure I really disliked them a few episodes back, but that's way too far back to care about now.  Their actions then, I could care less about, because I can hardly remember what the big deal was weeks ago.  Right now, it's Dick and Danielle I want separated, and who better to do that than either Jen or Kail. 

The thing is, everyone is just playing in the background really except Dick, Danielle, Jen and Kail and now a bit more going on with Eric and Amber.  Who's left?  Jamika and Zak?  That's it, hmmm.   I feel like I'm forgetting someone.  Oh yah, Dustin and Jessica. Yah, they're pretty much just hanging out in the background this time around, well, from the perspective of the editors 1 hour show anyway.

I suppose Kail is the pawn this week and Eric is going to be back doored... That's the plan as far as I can see. Well, that may be good in a way, keeping Jen and Kail around again to fight to get Dick out!  That would be great. Then Danielle won't be such a pain without her psychotic father around.  I still think Kail shouldn't have given up the HoH to Danielle.  Kail needs to be on top again for at least long enough to get Dick out of there.

At this point I don't know who I want to win.

I'm just waiting for the commercials to get over.  Big Brother is on soon.  Yes I watch Big Brother, and I hope that Jen wins the HoH competition.  Why?  Because, sure she's struck on herself (or is it just an act... who knows?) but I'm over that.  It's been weeks.  Dick has been very nasty lately.  He's so crude, and rude.  I couldn't stand having someone harping on me like that all the time.  I wonder if Danielle had to put up with that all the time.  No wonder she can't stand him, or at least has a hard time talking to him. It would be fun to see Jen pushing Dick around. 

Well it's on.. Gotta go...!

I got up this morning and started doing dishes by hand, putting them all on the counter to let them dry, then packed them away in boxes.  Leaving only a few out for the next week and a half so I can have something to eat on. They are mostly the hideous, ugly mugs and plates I'll be sure to put in the recycling room for others to grab if they wish.

The kitchen is still a disaster. I feel bad for the next people who are going to move in here.  Well, I thought it was a step up when I moved in, but now all I can see is the disgustingly negative aspects of this dump.  There's just about so many things wrong, I think the other place I lived in (in this same building) was actually better, with the exception of size. 

The bathroom sinks stink here, the kitchen cupboards are made with those strips of plastic/paper/vinyl crap, whatever that is, and they are torn off in places leaving a disgusting view of the rotten plywood beneath.  I was just under the sink cleaning up the dirt that had accumulated.  The stains on the bottom there are horrid.  It just feels so dirty all over, it makes me feel dirty just thinking about it.  The drawers are terrible, they are empty but the sheet layers some previous tenants laid down are so bubbly, dirty and nasty. 

The fridge, oh, the fridge is so small, everything is on top of each other, and then of course when I can't find anything things go bad deep in the back, or deeply buried under things.  I just don't understand why all the housing units here are so terrible.  Well, I'm so glad I'm moving to a place that is a step, way up.  I can't wait to put my feet on the grass, I'm tired of balconies. 

I"m watching Harry Potter 2 right now, taking a break from the filth.   I've got about 33 boxes packed so far. 

So I've been going crazy today.  Really packing a lot of stuff.  I've also decided to change the theme.  I really like the dark colors but am attracted to the autumn feel right now, and then I decided to go with the Haunted House theme because it's calling me.  Why is the haunted house theme calling me?  I know its definitely got a younger, beetlejuice kind of feel to it, but you know what... I'm allowed to feel young, and besides Halloween the remake by Rob Zombie is coming out at the end of August and then, not much later it'll be getting close to Halloween...  Autumn is my favourite time of the year.  I love the scents of the crisp air, earthy, green, rich soil.   I love the dark colors and the stars in this theme the most.  If there were Astrological or Astronomical based themes I'd be happy.  I think I'll request that to be made by whoever did the haunted house one...  Hmmm... good Idea...

For the last while I've been thinking about a friend of mine that has got me all torn up inside.  See, this friend, is a very sensitive person, a very reflective person, and someone who is very much about the self.  Everything revolves around this person and their perspective always comes down to self interest.  For me, this doesn't work well, I see this as self-centredness at it's worst, yet in the process of learning great wisdom is shared with me.  However, this person has not been keeping much contact with me lately, and I'm thinking that it has something to do with how their perception is usually in the thought process and consideration of "Is this person, giving me anything that helps me out on my journey; if not I'm not going to bother with them."  This is a very sad state of affairs, and goes very much against my own values of sharing, giving and being there with others. 

So I'm stuck in a bit of a spot here that I don't really like.  A spot of questioning if I should continue this friendship or not.  I'm wondering if this person is considering the same thing.  It seems we aren't really jiving lately, well how can we? this person doesn't even contact me, for very, very long periods.  And when this person does contact me, it's extremely brief, saying, I don't have time basically. 

We have a joint union in areas that keep us working together from afar, but I've been asking myself the question "Why can't this person give me just a few moments time out of the month to give me the consideration of a quick email telling me what's going on in their life?" 

It's got me slightly torn up inside. I mean I do value this persons friendship, but I do have other things going on in my life, many things that keep me busy, interesting and doing things I love, so it's not like I'm down in the pits feeling all gloomy or anything.  Why waste time feeling like crap over someone else's issues?  I mean if this person doesn't wish to speak with me anymore, that's ok, I'll live, but it does bother me slightly, because I value this person's friendship. 

I'm rethinking a lot of stuff. 

Considering the fact that I'm moving, and throwing out a lot of old junk from my past, maybe it's time for me to let go of this person too. 

I'm considering it. Wondering about it.  Writing about it.

I was just reading this article about how NASA is sending a number of books and DVD's on the next mission to mars.  But then I was wondering - What if one day the date stamped 2007 won't make any sense to people in the far future who may come across this information. 

This lead me to fact that the only universal time relative to earth, in simplest terms, would be astrological placements, which anyone in the future can read as time.  The placements outlined in the heavens of the major planets is specific to a time, and they will basically never repeat the same patterns again, atleast not for billions of years as far as I'm aware, the odds of same placement is next to never. 

I'm working away on my site again, but loving it.  I got up this morning feeling energized, refreshed, and positive. 

I find lying down is one of the most optimum positions for thinking, and I actually read an article about a study done on just that... the conclusion, that lying down does actually increase thought processes... creative ones at that.   But what about when you're trying to sleep.  A lot of people's minds chatter away keeping them awake, but I don't let that bother me at all, when it happens I listen in on my thoughts and pay good attention without getting anxious about not sleeping.  What's the point, with all these amazingly good thoughts on a plethora of topics why would I let it bother me.

I suppose  a lot of peoples minds keep chattering with negative thoughts though, worries, etc., arguments in their heads about this person and that.  That may occassionally happen to me, but not very often at all, I generally don't think like that. Depending on what's happened, it's got to be a really big deal before I'll let things bother me like that.  I'll usually just go with the flow and not let the little details get on my nerves, it's pointless and a waste of time. 

I realized this morning that everything is a holy moment, so love it while you can, before you know it you'll be dead, so stay positive, and love the time you've got.

Well I'm off to do some errands today.  Since I'm packing, getting ready to move, I'm going to enjoy this move - hopefully.  I've got a lot more boxes to fill today.  Trying to get my bathroom and bedroom all finished today. 

I have a couple of other blogs, and always seem to be busy on the web. This entry will be about the mundane. 

Ooh, la la.  I just noticed back to back episodes of King of the Hill.   That's always fun.

I Like the look of Vox over Livejournal, it's got a more updated feel.  I'm completely sick of facebook... I'm so over it.  But atleast I have friends there... it's the applications that people keep adding that I find annoying, highly annoying at that.

Thinking about what is mundane though, really, isn't all of life magical, even the everyday things... like meditations, if in the right frame of consciousness. 

See I'm really not being myself on this already, I'm not pouring my self out on the page as I should be.  There is this underlying fear of sorts, that ego of mine, keeping me from letting it all out.  It's because I'm a writer, a much different writer than I am on blogs.  Blogs I usually set most things to private, all the juicy stuff, all the information I collect, like I'm hording it.  And that just isn't healthy... although I do believe in boundaries and having the right to give myself the privacy I feel I need.  I think it's because, since I am a writer, of sorts, I don't wish to reveal everything publicly, because I want to organize my thoughts for publication one day.  And there are definitely a lot of thoughts there.  But sharing my thoughts is important too. 

Well at this point, this is where I stand.  I will break free of the mold, maybe journaling here will help.  This is more my private thoughts, getting honest with myself, but in a public way.  I'll try not to make all my messages private. 

Ok... so something I watch that is a little embarrassing but I have a real passion for it is of course, Passions.  The most corny soap opera out there, but it's just so much fun.  Sometimes, yes, it gets a little immature, but there's a lot of interesting stuff going on these days..... Too bad it's going off the air... for a while... I think I'll get cable by October though. 

Oh how freeing it is to just talk about my mundane life instead of always focusing my blogs energies on privately writing about the things I write about.  

I tried to call my friend J today and again tonight (J you know who you are - Love you!) but to no avail, she wasn't home.  We talk about sex a lot... I seems we always get on the topic of sex... well it's important to have a good girlfriend to talk about sex with I'd say. 

Ahhh, how I find this so relieving.  No, not talking about sex, well yah... but just being so mundane sometimes, just talking about the mundane, every day things that go on outside the realm of thoughts. 

I suppose though, I'm just thinking now, I'll keep my other blog for the not so mundane things, while here, it'll be about mundane living... But who knows, if I get a couple friends on here, and join a couple interesting groups on different topics, I may just start learning and talking about things that are a little less mundane.